Last night (10th Oct around 9:45pm Malaysian time) someone near and dear to my heart passed away. I am so heartbroken but glad that she isn't suffering any longer. I've had to deal with 2 other deaths in the family but that was a LONG time ago. I was still a kid. I didn't know much about life and death. This one.. this one is really doing something to me.

So two weeks ago, during Spring break, I made an impulsive decision to fly home just to see her because I know deep down, I won't be able to do so when I get back this Summer. I never intended on going home until that Sunday morning, when I saw pictures that my dad sent, of her current state at the time. So I booked tickets to fly home that night. Words cannot even describe how happy I was to be back home, to see her one last time. I have to say, I started tearing up the second my plane touched Malaysian soil. I don't know what happened. I just felt tears running down my face.

Since I got back from Malaysia last Monday, I knew at some point I'd have to wake up to the inevitable. Every time I get outta bed and grab my phone, seeing the WhatsApp icon on my notification tab felt like a wave of anxiety running through me. But today was difficult. I had a feeling that I was going to wake up to this today. And I did.

It still doesn't feel real. Knowing that she won't be there when I go home this Summer doesn't seem real. I won't hear her voice anymore.

Being thousand miles away from your family at times like this sucks. Wish I was home. I remember one of the last things she said to me was "Mengaji elok-elok kat sana" (study hard in Australia). That's exactly what I'll do.

Note to self: spend everyday with your loved ones like there's no tomorrow, literally.