Personal Struggle

Friday, September 23, 2016

I've been going back and forth about posting this. I'd type out paragraph after paragraph but I'd change my mind and delete whatever I wrote. But today was terrible for me. If you know me, the one thing I've been struggling with for the longest time is my fear of speaking in front of a crowd. Or even talk during a group discussion like today. My best friend can vouch for that.

During a group discussion today, my tutor decided to put me on the spot, asking me questions. I know it may not seem like a big deal but oh my god I hated it. All eyes were on me and I was just there silent and being so ridiculously afraid of fucking up. But the fact my mouth was zipped shut already meant I fucked up. I got so anxious, I wanted to breakdown. Such a pathetic thing to be upset over but I wish I could get over this. This is the reason why I wanted to study abroad in the first place - to break out of my shell. But I can't seem to do that! I'm not saying I haven't been voicing out my opinions during discussions since I got here but most of the time, I'm the quiet one in the group.

I need to learn to overcome this because this is how the real world works.

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