Eternity

by - Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Last night (10th Oct around 9:45pm Malaysian time) someone near and dear to my heart passed away. I am so heartbroken but glad that she isn't suffering any longer. I've had to deal with 2 other deaths in the family but that was a LONG time ago. I was still a kid. I didn't know much about life and death. This one.. this one is really doing something to me.

So two weeks ago, during Spring break, I made an impulsive decision to fly home just to see her because I know deep down, I won't be able to do so when I get back this Summer. I never intended on going home until that Sunday morning, when I saw pictures that my dad sent, of her current state at the time. So I booked tickets to fly home that night. Words cannot even describe how happy I was to be back home, to see her one last time. I have to say, I started tearing up the second my plane touched Malaysian soil. I don't know what happened. I just felt tears running down my face.

Since I got back from Malaysia last Monday, I knew at some point I'd have to wake up to the inevitable. Every time I get outta bed and grab my phone, seeing the WhatsApp icon on my notification tab felt like a wave of anxiety running through me. But today was difficult. I had a feeling that I was going to wake up to this today. And I did.

It still doesn't feel real. Knowing that she won't be there when I go home this Summer doesn't seem real. I won't hear her voice anymore.

Being thousand miles away from your family at times like this sucks. Wish I was home. I remember one of the last things she said to me was "Mengaji elok-elok kat sana" (study hard in Australia). That's exactly what I'll do.

Note to self: spend everyday with your loved ones like there's no tomorrow, literally.

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2 comments

  1. I'm sorry to hear about your loss. It's one of the things that I'm most scared about studying abroad, and it breaks my heart that you're actually going through it. But I hope you'll have the strength & patience to endure this. (hugs)

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